Mirrors & Glitches

Today, I do not want to research cancer & company. I just give in to wondering and write while I am doing that …

I have written about these mirrors before, in a long ago past.

Because, ever since I started writing and communicating through social media, I still get to see things in my mirrors that I do not always like. Reading something wrong, thus, as a consequence, not able to ‘feel’ someone as I should. This makes me wonder if my best is not good enough. My problem is that I react with my feelings, almost instantaneously, spontaneous. And that is sooooo wrong, I've been told. Is it really, though?

These past few months, I talk a lot with a, to me, very special friend. She keeps telling me to use my brain to answer, to not always react with my guts. Begs me to stop, and give things a second thought before replying. Restrain my bluntness from coming on too strong. Selfish me ...

So, I heard once more that I have ‘glitches’.

Glitches are very human, actually. We all have them. However, I always chose to believe that my glitches were a matter of being misunderstood.

Lately, however, I discovered that misunderstanding or misinterpretation is often a consequence of my own doing. My creative brain sometimes hears words & phrases differently where I should just accept the meaning of those words as it was meant to. Does my cancerous state use a different frequency? 

I, who hardly ever put the blame on someone else for anything that happens in my life, I did unconsciously blame other people for not understanding.

I should learn to control my language, the way I reply and I still hesitate because how can one be spontaneous, ‘ad-rem’, if one needs to think all the bloody time before replying? Headaches, right? I do notice that ever since I found out that I had cancer I try harder, but, to  communicate  how you truly feel is extremely hard. Writing has been better. 

Spontaneous: performed or occurring as a result of a sudden impulse or inclination and without premeditation or external stimulus (gee, sounds very much like mind-masturbation to me …)

So, how is one spontaneous, without premeditation, if one needs to think before opening one’s mouth before speaking? Is it even possible?

So, whatever the answer may be … I am as always comforted by this:

Even at your best,

you will never be right for the wrong person

Even at your worst,

you will always be perfect to the right person

It is Saturday afternoon. What started out as a grey morning has turned into a sunny afternoon. Time to take out a chaise longue, make myself a latte and wonder some more about spontaneity, mirrors and glitches …

Artwork by Roy Lichtenstein

Words by Ardens Missus